So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
home. puking in laundry basket.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He? As in you personified your dick?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize