So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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