I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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