The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
