She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
