PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
