Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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