Me. At least after what I've been through.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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