Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
