my phone needs a breathalizer
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
