i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just had sex on a roof
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
