i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
