I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
