I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
