if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
