No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
