You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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