Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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