I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
