I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
