OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
