Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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