the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
