Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
