apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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