Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
