so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Randomize
