i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
