Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
