Kiss
Puke
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We need to rekindle our bromance
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
