Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
