I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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