A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
