I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
