Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
