Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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