cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
