My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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