And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
