im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
