Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
