My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
