Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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