I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
