someone get that fucking seahorse.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
