I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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