There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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