ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
