Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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