Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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