thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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