She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
