I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the day after is always just damage control
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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