are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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