Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize