I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
