I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize