Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
