I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
