my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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