I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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