Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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