i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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