fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
