all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
