Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
