he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
