my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize