I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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