For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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