too bad you live with your parents still
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
two words...techno handjob
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize