My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
