Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
