ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
