when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh god it's open bar.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
