So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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