thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
