What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
