On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I bet he comes in French.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
