i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize