Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize