hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
