she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
