did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
