My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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