Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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