that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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