He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do vagina's smell?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
