oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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