I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
