My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
