Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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