Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
